Saturday, 10 January 2009

Can I be a Mommy When I Grow Up?

This is a post that is going to have a good amount of ranting in it. So those that are faint of heart ands non confrontational should not read. That being said, here is the big question: When did it become such a bad thing do just be a mom? The reason I am bringing this up is due to something I read a bit ago. Has to do with the Duggar family. If you don't know who these people are, then just type them into Google and read up on them. In short they are a couple in Arkansas who made the pledge to God to accept any children he saw fit to bless them with. And bless them he has! They just had their 18Th child. So I have always found this family to be very interesting. They have just come out with a book and I just had to have it. I read the book in about 2 days and loved it. Now, I am not going to have 18 children and some of their beliefs are not my beliefs, but all in all I say they are a great family who lets God lead them and they have a tremendous faith that I find refreshing. As I was reading the reviews for the book before adding my own, I noticed a few that said that the Duggars were raising their girls to have one occupation, being a mother and a wife. I do not think this is true first of all, but then it struck me. Why is that such a horrible thing, to be just a mother and a wife? Now first of all let's take that word "just" out of the equation all together. As a mother and a wife you are never "just" anything. Your roles that you take on are many and diverse. Let's just list a few here, shall we?

1. Maid
2. Chef
3. Chief Medical Officer of your Home
4. Accountant (sometimes, in my house my husband is much better at this than me, but i do keep track of the kid's allowance)
5. Teacher (you are a teacher to your children whether you home school like me or not)
6. Counselor/Mediator
7. Executive Assistant to your husband and children (letting them know what is on the schedule, scheduling things, etc.)
8. Chauffeur
Let's face it this list could go on and on and on. Feel free to comment and add your own. Anyway, back to the original question. There are many varied opinions on the Duggar's and their family. But, leaving that subject for a while let's try and think back to not so long ago when most women did choose to stay-at-home and be full time wives and mothers and it was seen as being an admirable occupation. Right up there with CEO of some fortune 500 company. So why is it now when I say I am a stay at home mom, I have people look at me as if I have two heads? The question that usually follows this is, "Oh, are you in school right now?" Well, no I am not. Do I have plans to do this, yes. I love to learn. But, I will probably only take one class or at the max two classes a semester since my first priority will be my husband and kids. The next statement, not really a question, is usually, "Oh, you must plan to go back to work when your children are older." Um, yes I do but much older, try 18 and in college. I happen to be their teacher, so I will graduate in a way when they do. The thing is, why do we just assume that stay at home moms should be doing something else. Now, I have tons of hobbies. I love to read, cook, and write. So yes I do something else but I just don't get paid for it and I am not the boss of some department. Unless you want to count the Executive Cleaning and Cooking Department of Our House in England an executive department. But, I tell you this. I feel wonderful about what I do. Did I ever think in a million years that God had on his agenda for me to be a stay at home mom, wife, and home schooling mom? Not in a million years. But just as God does so often he surprised me with his plans. I feel very at home in my role and I do feel important. It wasn't always like that for me though. I listened to society to much and felt as if I was worth nothing unless I was working outside the home or going to school to better myself. Am I saying that there is anything wrong with these things? Absolutely not! I think if that is the role a woman finds herself in and she is happy and satisfied, God bless her. But, I have found it is not for me. I remember soon after my daughter was born I thought I need to go back to work, at least part time. For a while I liked it, but I felt a strong pull to be at home with my baby. My husband took wonderful care of her while I wasn't around but I wanted to be there. I felt it was my intended purpose to be there with her. So I quit. And I never felt better. I think it is high time that society realizes that as Moms working or not we have a huge job every single day. It is not an easy job, in fact the ultimate working woman Oprah calls it "the hardest job in the world." Our job is important. It is as important as any job we would be involved with outside of the home, plus we don't get paid for it. Our currency comes not in paper form, unless you count the homemade thank you cards we get from time to time. But, it comes from moments we spend with our kids and know that we would rather be with them then any other place on earth. It comes from the hugs and kisses, and the smiles. It comes from teaching them how to cook zucchini bread and quiet talks about growing up. Our satisfaction as Moms, working or not, comes from all of these priceless moments and many more. Our bank accounts might not be overflowing but our love accounts sure are! I am grateful to be a mother. I am grateful to know mothers and to admire mothers all over the world. God has blessed me with this role. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt!


*****Just to make one thing perfectly clear. I do realize that there are moms out there that must work, even though they would rather be at home. I know this because I have been there and done that. This post is in no way shape or form meant to put you down. You are still a mother and as such I say that role should be seen as important to our society. As important or even more important then the job you have outside of your home. Just wanted to clear that up.;)*******

1 comment:

Chris and Julia said...

Jennifer,
I absolutely agree with you!!! I think society puts pressure on how one should feel and act, and the pendulum constantly swinging form once extreme to another. Personally, I would never want to have 18 kids, but it's not my place to judge. What decisions other people make are non of my business unless that decision affects my family in a direct way. As far as stay at home vs working mom, I agree with you as well... Not everyone is cut out to stay at home, and again, nothing wrong with that, just like not everyone who is working has a choice about it. I think it's time mothers started supporting each other instead of tearing each other down with judgmental thoughts that are driven by society! I say "Good For You" for doing what you believe is right for you, your kids, and your family!