Saturday, 27 December 2008

The Jolt!

First of all I have to apologize for my slacking. Things got so busy with homeschooling and Christmas, I put my blog on the back burner. But here I am. And hopefully after I took that sizable break I will get back to it again. Something very strange happened to me on Christmas Day but first some background or it will not make any sense. I went to the doctor the Monday before Christmas due to some strange symptoms I was having. Now I am one of those people that does not like going to doctors, yet I am terrified of something horrible being wrong with me. So I did something before that appointment that I haven't done for a very long time. I sincerely prayed. I prayed that everything would be alright and that the doctor I would be seeing would be able to figure out what this all meant. I have not prayed in a very long time. I will admit that I have strayed from my faith in the past few years. Mostly due to the fact that in my little family unit I only have the support of one other firm believer, my daughter. But, I now realize that that is nothing short of a feeble excuse. On to the morning of the appointment. The doctor walks in all 6 foot 2, red hair, and smiles. He tries joking with me at first to put me at ease, but seeing that is not working asks me what is wrong. I told him I did not like doctors. He said, "No offense taken. But let's try and figure out what is wrong shall we?" So he did a full physical exam then ordered a battery of tests. He told me he did not think it was anything serious and he would call me soon with the results. While most people would have relaxed I of course did not. I think all Moms can identify with the terror of not being able to mother your children due to some terrible illness. I was scared to pieces that something was really wrong with me. Who would do all the things I do? Who would home school my kids, something that is very important to me? Who would braid my daughter's hair? Who would teach my son how to be a gentlemen and how to properly treat a lady? The list went on and on and on. In short, what would this world do without me in it? Well, the simple answer is whether I liked it or not: It would keep on going. That made me stop and think. Why am I so afraid of dying? There I said it the "D" word that I am so terrified of. Then I figured it out on Christmas morning. Why I should not be afraid. The morning of Christmas Eve I got the call saying that all my results were normal and what to do about the problem that was discovered. Then the next day I realized I had not thanked God, the one I had begged and pleaded with for everything to be o.k. I felt terrible. Here he listened and gave me what I wanted, and I hadn't even said thank you. I could use all the excuses in the world. I was busy with Christmas, there was so much going on. But, they were all excuses. So I felt that I needed to go to church that morning and properly thank him by worshiping him. I went by myself since no one else wanted to go and walked, since our local village church is not that far away. I walked along the quiet country lane breathing the fresh air and listening to the birds. All the way thinking to myself just how lucky I am to be able to be here and experience all of this. Then when it came time to take communion I knelled at the altar rail and accepted the wafer and the wine, the body and blood of our savior. As I quietly went back to my seat and sat down, I suddenly felt an electric jolt go through my body. It was so strong it almost made me jump. Then I felt not really heard but felt the presence of God. I felt him say "You are welcome." I felt him say that he was proud of me and I was wonderful because I was his child. I didn't need to be anything but that. His child. His work of art. Then it all made sense to me. No matter where I might travel in this world, even in death, I am his child and he loves me, because I am me. I have no need to be afraid. He is always with me. No matter what. Even when I am not thankful for all the wonderful blessings he has given me I am still loved by him because I am his child, his greatest work. As we all are. Most of us do not realize it and have to be constantly reminded or just never, ever figure it out. My daughter has been memorizing a few verses from the bible as part of her homeschooling. I thought how beautiful and pure she looked as she read it and believed every single word. You could tell that she felt it deep in her heart and soul. It is a beautiful set of verses and now they speak to me in exactly the way they continue to speak to her. Thanks to my jolt from above! Here they are:

Psalm 139 Verses 13 & 14

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's

I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.